26 Comments

Am I the only one who finds these articles simultaneously fascinating and disheartening? I've been married for a rather long time and am increasingly convinced there is no reliable path to good sex. Even if you find the path for a while, your partner changes (or you change) and it all fades into mystery. I'd give up on sex entirely if it wasn't so dammed compelling.

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one thing I'm curious about is does a bigger dick make it easier to cum? I always thought it seemed likely because of more feeling, not to mention the psychological aspect..

I'm on the smaller size of average (5.1", 4.2" girth on a good day) so I'm concerned I may not be able to get a woman there...

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I don't know but in the book Why Women Have Sex they go over some research about how some women need to have their cervix stimulated to orgasm from penetration, whereas others don't. They talk about women who have had their cervix removed and then lost the ability to orgasm from penetration, and others who did not lose their ability to orgasm and have the same sexual experience as before.

They don't say how this is related to penis size in the book, but it would make sense that the women who want their cervix stimulated are the ones who like a big cock. This would also be consistent with my experience, where some women love big cocks and others don't care very much. Women are shaped differently down there, and at the end of the day it makes sense to just listen to what women like and let them make their own decisions to fuck you or not.

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Jan 27·edited Jan 27

Agreed there is a significant female diversity in shape. Compensation is sometimes regarded as a humiliating strategy but I don't think it need be with the right attitude, which is for both parties to enjoy the pleasure of sex together - whether it goes down with a big or small penis. It just helps to know and have a good guide of how things work, and you can only get that in the female space from people like Aella who can talk freely and honestly. Men have a habit of projecting their way of thought onto women, and can end up fixating on a physical insecurity. Women are erotic and sexual in a much more interesting and complicated way it seems...

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“The average penis size is not nearly as big as many people think it is! A 2020 review of research on penis size found that the average length of an erect penis is between 5.1 inches and 5.5 inches.”

You are fine.

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Hi thanks for the input. As is typical (and was hilariously sent up by Southpark) men usually know what the research is on penis size. So I know where I stand, the question I had having read above that penis size matters, is how it relates to female orgasm.

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"a compliment to the Good At Sex series". Heh. Homonym alert! Complement.

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10 min? That's not sex that's copulation! The

"Art" is a.i isn't it? So disappointed

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I’m so excited! Will update when I have read through! Thanks 🙏🏾

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I love to dig into the psychology and preference of what you do and don’t before and during sex. However, my experience is that we are much more governed by direct visual stimulation and preferences. These might have foundations in evolution but these sex guides only apply if you already fall into the group of ‘desirable’ men and women.

As the interviewee said, she puts up with a lot in the sack once the screening has been completed.

You might be better off with a visit to plastic surgeon, lol.

Here is an interesting article to that.

https://www.theguardian.com/wellness/2024/jan/31/dating-is-having-type-bad?CMP=Share_iOSApp_Other

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I enjoyed this interview. But I find it a pretty high bar if I have to intuitively guess in what kind of mood my partner is each time. You talk about getting off by becoming a sex creature. But to be able to not overthink it during sex, I see the benefit of communicating clearly beforehand to express the daily likes/dislikes. Of course this goes both ways.

Yes, and I get the deep desire to merge with your partner in a perfect harmony. Maybe that’s possible after some time of being together but its rather fairy tale stuff. Even if you click with someone right out of the gate, chances are without talking about likes and dislikes this will not last.

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Try asking Cathy Reisenwitz.

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Seems like I'd get along with both Romy and S. I enjoyed reading the interview because I am always seeking advice to improve. I agree that sex with every partner is different which is why I like it so much. The connection and interactions are different...or they should be. Everyone has different chemistry when they are together which means that the sex is different. Also the balance of power is different with different partners so you have to adjust. Some woman want all of the pleasure and others are perfectly happy giving it all, then most like a mixture of the two. I try to assess that before the sex starts. Also I agree that more men should go down on women. I love going down on a woman especially if they taste real good. I love bringing them to their first orgasm that way.

It is great if you can sense what your partner wants but sometimes that is not always completely possible when you may not know them that well or just met them. I had that happen the other night when I was going to have sex but didn't really know the woman before that night. We openly and frankly talked about what we like and what we were going to do with each other when we got home. We used the communications as foreplay building up to the event. Also we felt comfortable enough with each other to say what is working and not working during sex as well as sensing it too. The same goes when performing.

The sex should change with each new encounter with a that partner or else it becomes formulaic like a bad porn video. A good tease and flirt builds the momentum and can provide that change too. I leave the head games out of sex because I like it to be fun and relaxing especially if it is recreational. Romantic sex is a whole other topic.

For these reasons, I prefer encounters with women like Aella, Romy, and S because of the experience and fact that they know what they like and want and are not afraid to articulate it.

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> Yeah, they get filtered out. If they seem like that then I'm not attracted to them.

I wish there was also an explanation on where to meet women like S as well as tips and tricks on how to convince a woman of her type to sleep with you.

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I hate to pick on the words you used, and I'm not sure you're using them the way I took them (feel free to push back!), but I don't think should target "convincing" women to sleep with you (generic you).

I think the point is to "be" the kind of person that some women want to sleep with. I don't think you can "be" the kind of person all women want to sleep with, but you can be an interesting, reasonably in shape, and confident enough human, then more women will entertain the idea.

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Yeah I agree that having a six pack and bench pressing 200+ pounds are fundamental goals that each man should work towards. Also, good clothing, social manners, hygiene, confidence, etc. But I also know that Aella is pro-PUA and it would be interesting to know if one can use certain tricks to tell a woman in the “slut cloud” that you’re “one of them”.

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200lbs is not a very big bench. Tons of guys can hit that day 1 in the gym and the vast majority who don't will hit that in a year at most.

Not trying to be an asshole, just pointing out it's a lot more attainable than people would think.

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I’d estimate less than 10% of American men aged 18-40 have a six pack and can bench 200+ pounds. I wouldn’t be surprised if it’s less than 5%.

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I am on my early 60s and certainly do not have a six pack but I do 50 pushups every morning and it makes a big difference. It literally takes two minutes every day. Give it a shot.

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Yeah most men don’t go to the gym, let alone take it seriously. That’s like 2% of guys tops. Popularity doesn’t change what’s realistic with proper training and/or genetics.

I never said 6 packs were easy either. Those tend to be impractical for a variety of reasons, even for fitness models people tend to think of when they think 6 packs.

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Jan 28·edited Jan 28

> would be interesting to know if one can use certain tricks to tell a woman in the “slut cloud” that you’re “one of them”.

- Having mutual connections in that space

- making comments/jokes that show that you're an insider to that world

- telling stories that imply status or involvement with that lifestyle or relevant communities, having photos/videos to share alongside the stories

- social media that shows the above things

- looking the part

- Not being overly impressed with things that are normal in that world

- Not displaying opinions/misconceptions that are associated with outsiders

These are all related to displaying status that's relevant to her or having knowledge/understanding/involvement in her "worlds". It's attractive when someone understands you and you feel a lot of similarity in perspectives, values, and background with that person.

There are a lot of other things that go into attraction or "seducing" someone of course (I know, cringe word)

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I don't know that I would agree on the six pack and bench press comment. I guess it depends on who your target is. If you're looking for women who are in similar shape to Aella (well above average to model looking), you're probably right.

If you're targeting women who are average to above average, then being lean is probably good enough in terms of fitness.

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It's a typical male mistake to think that better looking women are into muscled and ripped guys. It doesn't work this way. It's actually much closer to pareto principle - only around 20% of women care about 6 pack, majority finds it even gross! HOWEVER way less than 20% of men have 6 pack or are big and ripped in general, that why it's easier for them to attract women from that bubble.

But honestly I would dissuade any men from changing themselves to the point they look and behave in contrary to their natural self just to get laid. Absolutely not worth it and probably won't make you happy in long run. Just mate with women that are into the same things like you - simple as that!

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It'd be really nice to be able to listen to an audio version of this interview.

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In a few short minutes I have learnt a lot about women’s perception of sex and my misinterpretation. I had a lot of luck but with this I might even be better going forward.

Also if you know of any early career researcher such as Post-Docs, PhDs, and Students(current and aspiring PhD and Masters students) please send them to subscribe to my newsletter as I have a lot for them in their career moves: https://gradinterface.substack.com/

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Yeah!

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