My Birthday Gangbang
a slutistical breakdown
update: this post has been lightly updated since it was originally published
"I learned that courage was not the absence of fear, but the triumph over it. The brave man is not he who does not feel afraid, but he who conquers that fear." - Nelson Mandela
From the outside, it might seem like I am fearless in my sexual adventures, like I’m a confident slut running wildly from penis to penis.
This isn’t true at all. All the best risks I’ve taken my life, all the sexual choices I’ve made that have revoked society’s blessing on me - I’ve done despite experiencing sheer terror. I am not immune to the heavyhanded social narratives that I must be damaging myself somehow, that no man will ever want me, that sluts are deeply bad, in some abstract, unspecified way. Those narratives make me seize with fear. It’s just I figure the fear must be unfounded - when I examine myself, I can’t find any actually bad thing. This method has resulted in tons of joy, adventure, and fulfillment in my life.
There is no inherent badness to a penis entering my vagina. So I force my feet to move forward, into the den of forty-two men all jacking off in identical bathrobes, while I’m screaming internally, in the same way I scream when about to go on stage for a performance.
And yeah, we got them bathrobes.
And by ‘we’ I mean ‘the organizer team’. I did basically nothing to set up and run this event, which was a lot of work. A full-time-job amount of work. I’d like to thank my partner Nate, Sacha, and also Lucy Belmont, with additional amounts of labor put in by slimswitch, rubydice, and pandora. I am deeply touched by their efforts.
It was a lot of work because how the hell do you let internet randos in to an orgy, safely?
We started out with a survey, and then they filtered down automatically, manually, and then did brief interviews - 83 of them! With my approval, organizers rejected anyone associated with e/acc, because we don’t need to give nice things to people hastening our doom. Organizers herded all the attendees through a special form of STI testing, the service PASS, which directly sends your clear status to approved organizers (to prevent anybody faking anything). Special shoutout to MPowerr, a lab in Atlanta who heroically handled processing the confusing custom lab orders of dozens of men.
The lab orders were confusing and custom because we required some unusual tests - namely HSV and mycoplasma genitalium. I somehow, weirdly, do not test positive for either HSV 1 or 2, and so we wanted to know who had it so we could check outbreak history (outbreaks in the last few years increase risk of transmission; no outbreak history probably has extremely low transmission rates) and require they take antivirals. Nobody who tested, tested positive for any STI except HSV (which means mgen rates were 0!).
Of HSV, 32% tested positive for HSV1, and 8% tested positive for HSV2.
“How does HSV transmission work and how bad is it” is a whole nother post, but basically we read a gajaillion studies and then set our risk tolerance at 1/1000 chance of catching HSV this party, and set corresponding requirements (condoms, antivirals, no-outbreaks) based on the studies. I also took antivirals as a preventative measure. But realistically, given my bodycount and my age, this might possibly be some evidence that I might have a natural resistance to HSV anyway. We also had a ‘no kissing’ rule, which was probably overkill but with an orgy of internet people we decided to err on the safe side.
Mycoplasma genitalium is the hot new STI that your doctor probably isn’t testing for. It’s usually lumped in with the ‘usually symptomless random bacteria’ set of tests like trich or ureaplasma, but recently has been popping up as less symptomless than you would hope, and also horribly difficult to cure with US-approved antibiotics. Nobody who got STI tests in our cohort tested positive for mgen, which is a good sign.
Everybody used condoms. Everybody was required to switch out condoms between women, and to discard any condoms that they accidentally tried to put on backwards first. We went through a lot of condoms.
The event itself was pretty simple. We had doors open in the evening for a half hour - you couldn’t get in before or afterwards. We checked IDs and sent them to the coat check, where they stripped all their clothes and possessions, put them in a bag marked with a numbered label. We gave them nametags on which they wrote their name and bag number, and also to differentiate the identical Aella’s B-day branded bathrobes from each other. We then held an opening circle, where we went over rules, behavioral norms, and expectations. One of the organizers made everyone solemnly swear to do their best to cum only in the birthday girl (as opposed to in any of the fluffers).
In total, we had 15 people in some staff, organizer, or fluffer capacity, though the only people who got paid to be there were the security guards.
It was a substance-free party and we didn’t provide alcohol, though someone there did pass out viagra. I think a lot of people arrived there already on viagra.
One of the attendees also brought stickers to hand out:
The entire orgy cost $3335, with most of the cost going to venue, robes, food, and security guards.
This is a mild interruption here to advertise my Good At Sex series, a blog post series I’m currently working on where I break down the psychological dynamics (with a shitton of data) around what makes sex good, based on my experience, surveys, and lots of interviews with women. Some have early paywalls, but some of them have quite a lot of analysis available for free.
Tickets to attend were free, but had optional donations. 81% of people paid something, and 19% attended for free. The average donation was $63 (bumped up by three people who graciously paid a few hundred each). We had a surprise expense when needing to hire security guards, because our previous security volunteers couldn’t make it at the last minute. We ended up in the red, but some attendees donated afterwards, and in the end we managed to not lose money on this orgy!
Ten other women attended, two to help out while looking hot (doing things like running the coat check and being a point of contact for other women in case they needed anything), and eight fluffers who helped get the men hard for me.
(Attending women, both sexy-participating and strictly logistical, who agreed to let me share links to their stuff, included Adelyn, Chesed, Candlemoth, Lucy, and Ruby)
We had way more fluffer interest than anticipated. By the end we were turning away women trying to get in, which was an absurd position to be in. I think more women than you might think actually do want to participate in gangbang sluttery, they might just not admit it publicly, or feel safe enough at most events to inhabit their full sexual expression.
Which in itself is fascinating. Before this, I had never before seriously considered the option of getting gangbanged. That idea was just exorbitant, or wildly casual, in a way that felt outside my sphere of possible realities, despite being easily accessible to me. Of course men from the internet would show up en masse to stick dicks in me. They would for basically any woman. But when my partner first suggested it, I tried to look directly at it, through my socially-induced fears of ‘going too far’ or whatever. Did I actually want to get a bunch of men off the internet to fuck me, specifically me?
Of the 42 who attended, 37 actually penetrated me, thus tanking the average Aella number of the planet.
Some of the guys were experienced orgy kinksters, where they made comments comparing this gangbang to others they’d attended. Others were totally new to any kind of sex party, some hadn’t had sex in years, and one was a virgin.
This event was not kind towards men’s penises. Lots of men had trouble getting hard, which is deeply understandable, because practically for them the experience was a bit like being a breeder in a cowpen.
The way it worked was a few men volunteers held me down on a bed, and a line of guys approached. Once a guy was sufficiently hard, he’d come bang me - summoned by organizers yelling “ANYBODY GOT A HARD COCK? LINE YOURSELVES UP BY HARDNESS”. They had to jack themselves off furiously, and then they got three minutes to attempt to cum while banging me, while I was closely surrounded by other men who were preventing me from biting or kicking anyone (for kink reasons; I asked them to hold me down). They also had to switch condoms between other fluffers and me. This was extreme hardmode (or softmode?), and I’m honestly surprised as many men got as hard as they did. My own partner, for example, despite being excellent at sex and the primary organizer of this and other sex events, usually needs to be alone with a lady in order to get hard.
(Read an attendee’s account of the experience here)
We did have fluffers to help! In the same room were I was getting boned, other fluffers were strewn about, lying on fuckbenches, sucking cock, etc.
Fluffers got to participate however much they wanted, with whoever they wanted, and normal orgy consent rules applied - ask before touching a fluffer, fluffers can leave or refuse at any time for any reason, etc.
In the exit survey, we asked for info about which fluffers people engaged with. As you can see, Fluffer B fluffed hard, closely followed by Fluffer A’s mouth skills.
(Fluffer C reports she definitely gave more blowjobs than e.g. fluffer D, and thinks people didn’t remember them as much because fluffer D was having vaginal sex but fluffer C wasn’t. Assuming this is true, the rest of the chart may also be less reliable, or biased in memory towards people having vaginal sex.)
Fluffers reported afterwards they had a good time, and didn’t feel uncomfortable or coerced at any point. The men in general were quite awesome. They were respectful, happy to be there, and really sweet.
One of them (guy who brought the stickers) was a virgin. We asked if we could celebrate his first time, and he said yes - ‘the wackier the better’, I believe. So we had him go first (he literally said “Leeroy Jenkins” as he entered) and popped confetti over him when he finished, and I signed a personalized gift for him. He was also wearing a heartrate monitor, and shared the data with me:
Once a man had sex with me, he drew a tally mark on my leg with a sharpie, and then signed the guestbook, which was a pretty white wedding guestbook I got because it was hilarious. It turns out lube ruins sharpies, so despite us starting out with a surplus of sharpies, by the end of the night we were scrounging.
Upon banging the birthday girl, men got a sticker (blue for banging, gold if they came), which allowed them access into a third room, where they could continue banging and cumming in fluffers if they wanted, and if the fluffers were down.
Men who weren’t participating got to hang out in the main space or in a hot tub, where at least some networking occurred - I heard one man say “I didn’t expect to meet another YC founder here”. We also had an array of food and a small array of board games, though I don’t think any of the board games actually got used.
The men overwhelmingly rated the experience as positive. Some notes from the exit survey:
> One of the best evenings I've ever had
> Everyone at the event was amazing! You guys did great work vetting and putting on a top notch event.
> Omfg the whole event was one standout experience.
> I've been to a number of orgies and gangbangs back in NYC, but this was the best and it's not even close.
Two guys reported having six (!?) orgasms, but most only had one.
Most guys were already getting laid on the regular before attending. My guess is probably they’re in nonmonogamous relationships; but only 5 reported having infrequent sex!
Only 3 people reported being subscribed to my onlyfans!
Overall, I’m glad I did it. It was a novel, intense experience. I am deeply grateful to the entire organizing team who worked so hard to make this happen; this is the most elaborate birthday gift I’ve ever received in my life and there’s no way I can repay them.
But I don’t think I would do it again. Smaller trains run on me at smaller orgies have left me in with an afterglow, a near-psychedelic state.
But this one left me with no afterglow at all. I think this is probably because the other orgies I run are designed to optimize for me letting go - I don’t have to manage other people’s experiences at all, and thus can sink into the intensity of it all even more.
At my birthday gangbang, however, I ended up subtly attempting to manage people’s experiences. I really felt for the men putting themselves in such a vulnerable position, and I was afraid of behaving in a way that would make them feel bad. If they were having trouble getting hard, I felt a bit of pressure to act sexier. If I wanted to freak out or do something weird, I suppressed it because I knew they didn’t know me or how to interpret my actions, they hadn’t been fully briefed, really, and I didn’t want to worry them.
(I do normally throw orgies explicitly designed for my full expression though!)
So I didn’t really get my mind yeeted much during the event. The event was designed to ‘get as many dicks in me as safely possible’, not ‘reduce aella into a quivering mass’. This is fine, it did what it intended, I am glad I did it - I didn’t feel bad or regret afterwards, only something like satisfaction and relief - but I’ll probably have a more normal orgy next year.
(I think it’s likely some of the fluffers will get their own birthday gangbangs in the future, though)
On a personal level, I had two primary things of note.
Penises. I’ve never before had such a controlled experiment of penis experiences; usually I’m experiencing penises in different positions, while in different moods, but this was just one penis after the other, and the differences were really apparent. I found I completely changed my mind about a specific penis trait, and this will update the way I talk about penises moving forward.
I moved through three distinctive stages while lying on the bed for hours - nervousness, a god complex, and then cope.
But first, penises: