How To Be Good At Sex: Starve Her Brain (pt1)
A guide for men in bed
I’ve had sex with a lot of guys. I also like really carefully tracking social dynamics and incentives. I noticed some guys seem way better at sex than other guys, often due to subtle, hard-to-articulate and sometimes counterintuitive things that I’ve never really seen people talk about before.
Really, that part is kinda weird. You’d think the pride men have around sex would result in better sex theory - but instead I’ve mostly stumbled into hippie men talking about divine-masculining as hard as possible, generic liberals talking about clitoral orgasms and consent, and redpill guys talking about conquest.
So here’s my attempt to express an actually good theory of How To Have Good Sex. I’m intending to release these points as a short series, one brief blog post for each thing. I’m including my first section below.
But first, some disclaimers: While I've had sex with a lot of men, and while I’ve tried to be aware how much is me-specific vs ‘things that generalize’, unfortunately there's only one of me, and so I can't really get away from this being a guide about 'having sex with people similar to Aella'. (Though to be clear, I am personally obligate kinky and quite weird in bed, but this guide is not centered around kink or niche preferences).
While I'm writing boldly and generally, and probably a lot of this applies to other women, this is still just a loose framework. Please don't read this and blindly apply it to your next sexytime, assuming it will by default go well! Communicate with your damn partner. Brainspace is vast, and one woman's mind might be alien compared to another.
Starve Her Brain
What does Good Sex mean?
The thing I'm describing by 'good sex' might be different than what others mean. But here, it means something like 'losing yourself in the experience'. When I look back on sexual experiences I consider great, they all have the commonality of me sort of becoming the sex, if that makes sense? Like I'm no longer Aella's brain, doing thinky things, I am Aella's body, doing orgasmy things. I've lost the plot, I don't remember what the plot was, I'm just sexcreature emitting a constant stream of noises.
And so in a sense I'm describing a guide to get a woman (vaguely similar to me) to become a sex body.
Unfortunately this is not a guide for men themselves to become sex bodies in the same way, I'm sorry. This is a pretty heteronormative guide, and it centers on vaguely active-male, receptive-female styles of interaction, where the advice for both sides is not symmetric. If you’re a subby guy really looking for a lady to take control and like it, this probably won’t be the guide for you.