"I would feel violated if I learned that my opposite-sex friend was imagining what I would be like to have sex with. (1.19)"
I'd like to know as much as possible where that feeling comes from, since it seems basically universal among women, and I find it cryptic and very frustrating—as far as I can tell, it leaves no legitimate way for a man to interact with a woman he finds attractive. From a naïve heterosexual male point of view, it sounds even arrogant, as in, "Not only can I afford to take my attractiveness for granted; I feel entitled to decide who gets as much as to daydream of ever being sexually intimate with me, your alleged right to freedom of thought be damned".
For another survey, I suggest this counterpoint: "I would feel flattered if I learned that anyone at all of the opposite sex ever bothered to imagine what I would be like to have sex with. Especially if they managed to do it without throwing up".
A lot of women have the experience of thinking they were friends with a guy but actually that guy only wanted them sexually, which is immensely disappointing when they turn him down for sex and the friendship evaporates.
So any indication that a guy is considering a woman sexually feels dangerous / threatening - depending on the situation this might be the threat of sexual assault, or it might be 'just' the threat that if sex isn't forthcoming he'll stop any other friendly behaviour.
This is often felt instinctively rather than being reasoned out.
A lot of women have the experience of thinking they were friends with a guy but actually that guy only wanted them sexually, which is immensely disappointing when they turn him down for sex and the friendship evaporates.
So the disappointment would have been avoided if both had known from the beginning what the other wanted. Maybe we should make this easier, rather than harder.
So any indication that a guy is considering a woman sexually feels dangerous / threatening -
Depending on what you mean by considering, this may actually be the most common situation.
I guess it’s time to make myself once more a target for all kinds of shaming and censure: if I were to meet you, chances are I’d like to have sex with you, but you wouldn’t like to have sex with me, in addition to possibly having commitments which forbid it. Please don’t feel threatened, violated or disrespected; I’m just mentioning a statistical fact.
It probably sounds much worse than it is, for several reasons. I only know a few:
• Merely stating a known fact usually sends a few secondary messages, and socially dumb people like me have very little control or awareness of these. I know they are sometimes precisely used to insult a woman, but I don’t want to do this at all. I don’t even understand how it works, because, if I did it, I’d expect it to backfire, causing everyone to laugh at me for my failure to attract women like the one I tried to demean, in addition to earning physical retaliation.
• I’d want any hypothetical interaction with you, especially an intimate one, to be, you know, friendly, so trying to force it on you makes no sense.
• I probably wouldn’t actually think of jumping straight into bed with you as soon as I saw you. As with many other women I see going about their own business and never get to know, I’d feel a background desire to get to know you, and to get close to you, and closer; the more intimacy, the better. It’d be up to you to stop me, simply by letting me know at any step that you’re not interested, or to some third person who decided to intervene, or to some realization along the way that made me see you in a different light. In practice, I’m always stopped right away by the fact that we all keep going about our own business and there just never seems to be an acceptable reason for me to get close to anyone.
I think this is pretty common, except for the parts caused by my social awkwardness. Ironically, these parts seem to bring my perspective a bit closer to that of the typical woman: I don’t want to have any kind of unfriendly sex, let alone to try to humiliate a woman while having sex with her, because I’d feel vulnerable and I’d expect it to end really badly for me. In fact, I’d need her to teach me quite a few things, so if she doesn’t like what we’re doing, or if I can’t trust her, it’s a non-starter.
depending on the situation this might be the threat of sexual assault,
That seems to be the only serious problem in this discussion. It’d be nice if everyone were well-educated about it, and we could make clearly the distinction between merely wanting to have sex with someone and wanting to force it on them.
or it might be 'just' the threat that if sex isn't forthcoming he'll stop any other friendly behaviour.
That shouldn’t be considered any more of a threat than any other voluntary transaction. She’s no more entitled to friendship than he is to sex. And “friendly” behaviors obtained by stringing him along with the false hope of sex don’t seem friendly at all to me.
This is often felt instinctively rather than being reasoned out.
Reasoning it out seems to help immensely to me. Of course, I’m biased, because I’m very bad at playing with instinctive feelings, tribal dynamics and politics.
Did you ever think about doing a part 2 or 3? I was curious to see what the factors were, especially after taking the Everything Survey (you made up those fun archetypes!)
Women are more likely to say that they are always cold. This could be iron deficiency. It would be interesting to see how the "always cold" question also correlates with any questions about vegetarianism.
In particular, I am kind of confused by the factor analysis in your link, and I suspect I could make a better factor analysis if I had access to the correlations (or full raw data) 😅
Factor 3 really makes me sad... it seems to be some combination of conformity and life satisfaction that indicates socially-constructed benefits of naivete and lack of openness and curiosity about the world.
Also factor 0 is interesting, looks like conservative/liberal at first glance but a lot of things like "I was dtf at 13" are pretty strongly in what would be the conservative sector (then again I'd consider myself right of center in post-2016 American politics and I *wrote* a question quite similar to that which ended up in a very similar place on that factor, so perhaps I should be more surprised that this is surprising to me).
it's pro-social behavior (which will evidently correlate with life satisfaction). i don't see what's sad about it though, especially since it correlates modestly with questions that probe for self-assessed intelligence directly. willingness to entertain controversial subjects is really not the end all be all of intellectualism, even if you believe that squeamishness is close-minded (which i would generally agree with).
individuals with both high o and c scores are actually often described as both rule-abiding and ingenious. a relatively obscure five-factor model source that laid out combined profiles comes to mind, you can read about it here: https://www.personal.psu.edu/faculty/j/5/j5j/IPIPNEOdescriptions.html
"I would feel violated if I learned that my opposite-sex friend was imagining what I would be like to have sex with. (1.19)"
I'd like to know as much as possible where that feeling comes from, since it seems basically universal among women, and I find it cryptic and very frustrating—as far as I can tell, it leaves no legitimate way for a man to interact with a woman he finds attractive. From a naïve heterosexual male point of view, it sounds even arrogant, as in, "Not only can I afford to take my attractiveness for granted; I feel entitled to decide who gets as much as to daydream of ever being sexually intimate with me, your alleged right to freedom of thought be damned".
For another survey, I suggest this counterpoint: "I would feel flattered if I learned that anyone at all of the opposite sex ever bothered to imagine what I would be like to have sex with. Especially if they managed to do it without throwing up".
Anyway, thank you for the good work.
A lot of women have the experience of thinking they were friends with a guy but actually that guy only wanted them sexually, which is immensely disappointing when they turn him down for sex and the friendship evaporates.
So any indication that a guy is considering a woman sexually feels dangerous / threatening - depending on the situation this might be the threat of sexual assault, or it might be 'just' the threat that if sex isn't forthcoming he'll stop any other friendly behaviour.
This is often felt instinctively rather than being reasoned out.
A lot of women have the experience of thinking they were friends with a guy but actually that guy only wanted them sexually, which is immensely disappointing when they turn him down for sex and the friendship evaporates.
So the disappointment would have been avoided if both had known from the beginning what the other wanted. Maybe we should make this easier, rather than harder.
So any indication that a guy is considering a woman sexually feels dangerous / threatening -
Depending on what you mean by considering, this may actually be the most common situation.
I guess it’s time to make myself once more a target for all kinds of shaming and censure: if I were to meet you, chances are I’d like to have sex with you, but you wouldn’t like to have sex with me, in addition to possibly having commitments which forbid it. Please don’t feel threatened, violated or disrespected; I’m just mentioning a statistical fact.
It probably sounds much worse than it is, for several reasons. I only know a few:
• Merely stating a known fact usually sends a few secondary messages, and socially dumb people like me have very little control or awareness of these. I know they are sometimes precisely used to insult a woman, but I don’t want to do this at all. I don’t even understand how it works, because, if I did it, I’d expect it to backfire, causing everyone to laugh at me for my failure to attract women like the one I tried to demean, in addition to earning physical retaliation.
• I’d want any hypothetical interaction with you, especially an intimate one, to be, you know, friendly, so trying to force it on you makes no sense.
• I probably wouldn’t actually think of jumping straight into bed with you as soon as I saw you. As with many other women I see going about their own business and never get to know, I’d feel a background desire to get to know you, and to get close to you, and closer; the more intimacy, the better. It’d be up to you to stop me, simply by letting me know at any step that you’re not interested, or to some third person who decided to intervene, or to some realization along the way that made me see you in a different light. In practice, I’m always stopped right away by the fact that we all keep going about our own business and there just never seems to be an acceptable reason for me to get close to anyone.
I think this is pretty common, except for the parts caused by my social awkwardness. Ironically, these parts seem to bring my perspective a bit closer to that of the typical woman: I don’t want to have any kind of unfriendly sex, let alone to try to humiliate a woman while having sex with her, because I’d feel vulnerable and I’d expect it to end really badly for me. In fact, I’d need her to teach me quite a few things, so if she doesn’t like what we’re doing, or if I can’t trust her, it’s a non-starter.
depending on the situation this might be the threat of sexual assault,
That seems to be the only serious problem in this discussion. It’d be nice if everyone were well-educated about it, and we could make clearly the distinction between merely wanting to have sex with someone and wanting to force it on them.
or it might be 'just' the threat that if sex isn't forthcoming he'll stop any other friendly behaviour.
That shouldn’t be considered any more of a threat than any other voluntary transaction. She’s no more entitled to friendship than he is to sex. And “friendly” behaviors obtained by stringing him along with the false hope of sex don’t seem friendly at all to me.
This is often felt instinctively rather than being reasoned out.
Reasoning it out seems to help immensely to me. Of course, I’m biased, because I’m very bad at playing with instinctive feelings, tribal dynamics and politics.
That was pretty cool! I just answered a few hundred questions while on the bus.
Btw, the survey asked how we heard about it, but "read it on your blog" was not one of the options, which I found weird.
The fact that there is a non-insignificant group of people who readily admit to being genocidal maniacs is…worrisome?
Oh hey I recognize that weaposn question, I submitted that one :D (...I might have also submitted "I like rats", I forget...)
Oh and the vaccinations one, I forgot that one :D
I was startled by how close the male and female answers re: having been raped seem to be here
Did you ever think about doing a part 2 or 3? I was curious to see what the factors were, especially after taking the Everything Survey (you made up those fun archetypes!)
Well I was committed to answering all 1000 questions and after like 2 hrs it quit saving my responses .... my whole day is screwed lol 😆
Women are more likely to say that they are always cold. This could be iron deficiency. It would be interesting to see how the "always cold" question also correlates with any questions about vegetarianism.
Women also generally just have worse circulation and colder feeling (and colder actually) extremities.
Can you release a correlation matrix for all the items? If enough people answered the survey for that to be reasonably estimatable.
In particular, I am kind of confused by the factor analysis in your link, and I suspect I could make a better factor analysis if I had access to the correlations (or full raw data) 😅
Hey did you manage to get the raw data somewhere?
The 'raw' data linked in the post don' t seem to be survey response series :/
This is a far great first 1,000 words. Didn’t read the rest but got a lot to think about from what I did read
> "I asked people how liberal and conservative they were on two different scales - social and economic. This was on a 7-point scale"
Please plot the distribution on both a 2-axis chart and on each individual axis!
Factor 3 really makes me sad... it seems to be some combination of conformity and life satisfaction that indicates socially-constructed benefits of naivete and lack of openness and curiosity about the world.
Also factor 0 is interesting, looks like conservative/liberal at first glance but a lot of things like "I was dtf at 13" are pretty strongly in what would be the conservative sector (then again I'd consider myself right of center in post-2016 American politics and I *wrote* a question quite similar to that which ended up in a very similar place on that factor, so perhaps I should be more surprised that this is surprising to me).
it's pro-social behavior (which will evidently correlate with life satisfaction). i don't see what's sad about it though, especially since it correlates modestly with questions that probe for self-assessed intelligence directly. willingness to entertain controversial subjects is really not the end all be all of intellectualism, even if you believe that squeamishness is close-minded (which i would generally agree with).
individuals with both high o and c scores are actually often described as both rule-abiding and ingenious. a relatively obscure five-factor model source that laid out combined profiles comes to mind, you can read about it here: https://www.personal.psu.edu/faculty/j/5/j5j/IPIPNEOdescriptions.html