Sep 19·edited Sep 19

Premise: I learned what freeuse is 10 minutes ago, and what seems to be the consensus is that it’s a kink/dynamic in a relationship in which sex can be initiated anywhere anytime without asking the partner for consent.

But then in your code snippets i see that you called the freeuse question “Freeuse (society where people casually have sex with anyone) _multiplepartners”.

The ”anyone” and “multiple partners” were unexpected to me. Apparently there is also the idea of “freeuse society”, which is what your code label is describing, but that’s a different thing from the kink.

So… how is the freeuse question formulated in your survey?

If we consider the definition of freeuse I gave in this comment, then I see why Mason has those opinions and i agree partially with her.

If we consider the anyone-multiplepartners definition then it looks to me like a completely different discussion, because we would be talking about poly people who have a bunch of casual sex, and that’s just a drastically different demographic.

Edit: I just saw the metadata of your survey in the twitter screenshots, so the people classified as having the “freeuse kink” are actually saying that they find erotic the idea of a freeuse society.

So… you needed to test for “freeuse kink”, but you actually tested for “freeuse society enjoyer”, which is a very different matter. Am I missing something?

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I suspect there's a story something like this going on:

- The sexual revolution gave new freedoms to women

- Group A were basically fine/genuinely well-aligned with The Old Ways

- Group B genuinely struggled with The Old Ways

- Group C lean in the direction of Group A

- Group D lean in the direction of Group B

- C and D are adaptable and can tolerate differing levels of societal conditioning about their sex lives. Research could tell us the relative sizes of these groups and identify subgroups and totally different groups (like maybe asexual people are totally orthogonal to these groups)

- Political arguments are going to happen with the primary, passionately-motivated group.

My experience here is in dating across these group lines. I have dated women (females, but I don't want to sound like I'm wearing a fedora) who genuinely are Type A Sex Hobbiests all the way to nearly asexual women.

It's not uncommon for me to talk to women who are genuinely confused/upset that OTHER women have differing opinions on sexuality than they do. It's always in the anti-porn/anti-promiscuity direction (I believe I have a biased sample, because those are the women I'm going to disagree with most easily).

I'm pretty confident that at least some of the women I've dated genuinely liked porn, orgasms, masturbation, being promiscuous. I had to learn to have meaningful conversations about these things to suss out the kinds of women who actually enjoyed what we were doing together vs women who were just doing it because they thought it was what I wanted. If I didn't get the mischievous smile and bright-eyed look when talking about mutual interests, the tone of a connection were going to be pretty different.

So, back to the post and not humblebragging, I suspect that people struggle to untangle their own deep feelings about sex from how OTHERS experience sex and assume that all people who are like them feel the same.

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I find this whole discussion a bit confusing. So telling one's partner "I agree to have sex with you whenever you want to, you don't have to ask every time" is a... fetish? If one partner has a responsive pattern of sexual arousal and the other partner has a spontaneous pattern of sexual arousal, isn't it just practical to let the partner with the spontaneous desire decide when and how to have sex?

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In response to people curious about definition/reality vs fantasy of free use: I'm a lady with some free use interest (view free use porn, have somewhat of a free use policy in my relationship, have attended free use style sex parties). I think there's significant diversity in the style of free use people are into. As someone mentioned before, a lot of free use porn specifically has women seeming indifferent to being used (like playing video games while being railed). That's not all all my personal cup of tea - instead, I'm interested in"free use" as part of a broader D/s dynamic and high level of trust/intimacy in my relationship. It turns me on to have my husband have the right to fuck me whenever, but of course in reality he respects concepts like zoom meetings, exhaustion, and illness. The concept of a free use society is kind of hot as a fantasy, but not my main one.

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What's the IRL accepted definition of or general consensus on what "freeuse" kink is? Porn with this label seems to have this element of:

"I'm just going about my day and don't notice that while I'm reading my book or playing on my phone, you're having sex with me, so I'll just continue with my hobbies and you go ahead and do you. I may or may not acknowledge you're there". There's also a goofy vibe as well, like there should be some Bugs Bunny music in between segments.

I'm gonna guess this is not an accurate depiction of what real-world freeuse kink is. I have an idea what it might be but I'd be guessing. Would someone mind enlightening me with a proper definition please? Is pretending like you don't know part of it?


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Why hello Other_Equals_Bad, we haven't seen each other in what... five minutes?

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Thank you for earnestly putting data to work for these important cultural questions on sex/love/etc. It really grinds my gears when I see/hear things like " People with X kink have problems with Y because of their inherent trauma/diagnostic of Z. If they could only heal Z, they wouldn't have kink of X or problem of Y!" Those were the things being said, usually quiet whispers/judgments, from last century for BDSM kinksters: they must be damaged emotionally to want to get beat up physically. That thinking follows easily into things like: person A must be confused/damaged/deranged if they don't want sex with opposite sex & instead want sex with same sex (I'm using broad mainstream terms, but I think you get my point). Sometimes things correlate, but usually & mostly, they just don't. Now, we can show that thanks to accessible AI & OOHH Such Big Data that can be gathered via social media, & people like you who are leading at the forefront for this metrics-backed sexual awakening! I'm all for it, keep it cumming.

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> women with a freeuse kink report a better time with hookups. In hindsight this maybe seems pretty obvious; if you’re sexually aroused by casual, no-strings-attached sex, you’re probably gonna enjoy hookups more.

Speaking as a masochist, albeit a male one, I would be curious to know whether this was a case of bugs-to-features. If you are into free use for masochistic reasons, then just being inconsiderately used *for real*, as long as you felt safe, might plausibly be a turn on, or weirdly satisfying in a dark way.

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I predicted the direction of the result before I saw them and I'm not surprised. The survey demographic you described as "liberal, young, and western" certainly explain why the two significant hypotheses have a tiny d. Introduce a pool of "conservative, older, and nonwestern" into the survey and those effect sizes suddenly shoot up.

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Kinda surprised you don’t use P-Values and Standard Deviations instead. Any reason for Cohen’s D instead?

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